Landing a Job With Your Crappy Resume

One of my responsibilities at work is to screen applicants for entry level positions. We hire only a small fraction of those we interview. And those we interview are but a fraction of the resumes that we receive. So before any of the interviews and evaluations can proceed, my first step is to carve out all the "fat" from my tome of resumes. After I'm done, about 90% of the resumes end up in the no thanks pile.

Over the past few years, I've seen hundreds and hundreds of resumes. Nowadays, I can scan one in about 15 seconds before I decide if it belongs in the No, Maybe, or Yes piles. If you're looking to land an interview, here's some do's and don't to get you past that first round of cuts:

DO clearly and succinctly state what position for which you're applying.
DO prominently state your GPA, your expected graduation date, your major, and a brief description of your thesis. No GPA on the resume? I immediately assume it's low and put you in the "NO" pile.
DO use a consistent style and organization to present the resume's content. Use consistent punctuation at the end of bulleted sentence fragments. Yes I notice when only three of your four bullets have periods at the end. Why didn't you?
DO use industry jargon. I work here everday and I'm used to the jargon. When you use it too, I presume you have some experience in the field. That's a good thing.
DO NOT list basic computer literacy skills when listing competencies. Yes I know you are proficient with Microsoft Word. So is every other person on the face of the planet. Stop padding your resume.
DO NOT make a single typo or misspelling. I'm assuming that this resume reflects the best work you could possibly do and is the apex of your compositional abilities. Anything short of perfection is unacceptable here.
DO NOT make common grammatical errors. Don't know the difference between their and there? Lose and loose? It's and its? No job for you. And most of all, don't use the phrase "graduate college." If you've managed to spend over a decade in a school setting without learning the difference between a transitive and intransitive verb, I don't want to hire you. People don't graduate college. They graduate from college.
DO NOT be too verbose. A resume should contain just enough information to make me want to meet you, and no more. It's not a formal summary of your life's work. I don't care about 99% of it.
DO NOT provide any personally identifiable information. I do not want to know anything about your age, race, family origins, religous beliefs, sexual orientation, or veteran status.

When I mentally summarize a resume, I'm asking myself these questions:

• Did this person do well in school?
• Is this person involved in enough activities to make them well-rounded?
• Does this person have any pertinent experience?
• Did this person convey all this information appropriately?

If I can answer yes to all these questions, then you've made the first round of cuts. Most people don't.